Readings in Resilience
Managing Stress
by Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Most people don’t know how to calm down, especially in a crisis situation. Our society talks a great deal about relaxation and leisure, but the focus is always on relaxing by going someplace (a cruise), getting away from the problems of the day (going out for dinner), or taking medication (a pill that will allow us to get rid of our headache and relax). There is very little that our society teaches us as children or adults about how to relax when we can’t take two weeks off from the job to visit the Caribbean, can’t afford a night out and are tired of using a drug to calm down.
Luckily, the formula for being able to calm down was available to most of us as very small children. We were taught as children, before attempting to cross a busy street, to STOP, LOOK and LISTEN. This basic formula for crossing busy streets is also the basic formula for crossing busy intersections in our lives. In being able to calm down and deal with the crisis, we must first stop what we are doing, look at what is going on around us, and listen to what is going on inside of us.
In order to calm down, we must first recognize the signals of stress that our body gives us. Everyone reacts differently to stress; however, there are a number of responses that we all have in common. The signal may be a tightness in our muscles, nervousness, or knots in our stomach. These physical manifestations of tension tell us that something is “wrong” in our environment and in our response to what is happening around us. Do not ignore these signs of stress. Left unattended, they can lead to physical and/or psychological breakdown. If you are to cope with a crisis in your life, you must first get control of yourself and your body.
It is normal to feel anxious in a crisis situation. In fact, we should. In order to deal with the crisis, some anxiety and tension is helpful. Too little or too much, however, tends to get in our way in coping with the situation at hand. Finding the balance is the trick.
When we begin to feel anxious and uptight in a crisis situation, we often begin to focus on the symptoms of anxiety. Specifically, we might focus on our sweaty palms or our pounding heart. Without making use of relaxation exercises to gain control over these anxiety symptoms, focusing on them usually only increases our perspiration and heart rate.
Many people in a crisis situation make things worse by expecting the worst. These people frequently tell themselves negative things and thereby increase the likelihood that these things may actually occur. The self-fulfilling prophesy! If we expect disaster, disaster often occurs. Obviously what these people need to learn is to stop telling themselves negative things, what Wolfolk and Richardson have called “negative self-talk.“ For these people, negative thinking is the chief contributor to their anxiety, tension, and helplessness. Worry usually only produces more worry and usually encourages people to avoid the situation that they are worried about. In other words, many people never find out whether their worries are really justified and whether things were really as bad as they thought because they never take the risk of putting themselves in the situation that they are worried about. They tend to avoid these difficult situations and never learn that the events that they are worrying about, if they did occur, might not be as devastating as they think. This kind of worry is often self-perpetuating.
Worry
One of the most common causes of stress in daily life is the human tendency to worry. Worry, or thinking about the future and becoming apprehensive or anxious about it, is a distinctly human characteristic. But, by devoting a lot of mental time to worrying, we may actually be contributing to increasing effects of psychological and physical stress. Psychologists Robert Wolfolk and Frank Richardson make a distinction between the positive act of planning and making sound preparation for the future and the rather useless and stressful act of worrying about how things will turn out. In their book, Stress, Sanity and Survival, Wolfolk and Richardson suggest that “there is a qualitative difference between worry and even the most intense and serious task-oriented thinking.” It is this difference that accounts for the stressful impact of worrying.
Wolfolk and Richardson point out that persons who are stressed, chronic worriers often have a superstitious belief that, somehow, worrying about the future will make it turn out all right. For some people, habitual worrying becomes a sort of protective ritual, irrational as that notion is. The feeling seems to be, if I just worry enough, the worst can’t happen. Worrying is not only stressful, it may immobilize the worrier, preventing him or her from getting on with a task that might have been accomplished successfully. Indeed, with some persons, worrying becomes a substitute for actually getting on with the job, protecting the person from taking the risk of getting out there and doing what needs to be done.
Wolfolk and Richardson point out that in coping with future situations, there are those factors which we may be able to control and those which we cannot control at all. The low-stress person plans rationally and constructively for all those events which can be, to some extent, controlled. But the low-stress person does not waste any energy on fruitless worry about those events which he or she cannot influence. The highly stressed worrier, however, worries about anything and everything, even when it can be shown that such worry does no good at all and only leaves the person feeling exhausted.
To head off worry and its stressful effects, here are some things you can do to reduce your own tendency to worry:
First, set rational goals and develop a plan of action that will help you attain those goals with a minimum of fuss.
Second, recognize what variables you can and cannot control in any important situation. Focus on those you can influence, and don’t stress yourself by worrying about the others.
Third, take logical, planned steps to influence those events you can shape.
Fourth, develop an emotionally flexible attitude toward whatever develops. You can cope with most unforeseen problems.
Fifth, don’t waste precious time and energy on factors that you can’t possibly control. It is pointless. The only known product of worrying is higher mental and physical stress. (Stress, Sanity and Survival, by Wolfolk and Richardson, is published by Signet Press.)
Recent research has suggested that individuals who deny or discount the effect of events on them may be able to do this “mentally but not physically.” In other words, the body may still respond with a stress reaction, even if your mind says “I’m fine.” These long-term elevated physiological responses or stress reactions have been linked to many of the psychosomatic disorders that modern civilization is afflicted with, such as heart disease, arthritis, cancer, depression, and a variety of respiratory problems.
Here are some things that you can do to get control over yourself in a crisis so that you can be effective in dealing with it.
- Break down the “Big Job” that you are facing into small components. To deal with a crisis situation and not be overwhelmed, you may need to look at the situation from a different perspective. What do you need to do to deal with the situation? You may need to make a list of the different “work assignments” you need to accomplish each day. You may need to carry this list with you or post it someplace where you can keep track of it, and even go to the point of checking things off when they are done. Handling a crisis in-volves structuring your time and your life. This process will give you a sense of control over the situation. The list will also give you a sense of control over the situation. The list will also give you clear feedback as to what you have accomplished and what still remains.
- Become more aware of your surroundings. This involves slowing down your pace and your conversation. It means observing more of your surroundings and reorienting your-self to a slower and more relaxed pace. Slow down, look and listen.
- When you feel overwhelmed, temporarily remove yourself from the situation with which you are dealing. Once you have allowed yourself to relax and your muscles to rest, you will be able to seek better solutions to the problems that you confront.
- Maintain a reasonable diet. Three good meals a day are important for all of us, especially during difficult times. A number of research studies have suggested that individuals who have three meals a day, especially breakfast, live longer and healthier lives. Avoid junk food and try to eat a balanced diet. This is important. Listen to your body. If you attend to your body’s reaction to food intake, you will see the importance of regular and balanced meals.
- Exercise regularly and moderately. This may be hard with a disability. Be creative. This is especially important when you are dealing with a difficult situation. Exercise can be a way of burning off the anger and tension that you are feeling. Again, research has suggested that those that exercise on a regular basis, meaning two to three times a week for at least 30 minutes at a time, tend to live longer and healthier lives than those who do not. Don’t neglect these things because you are upset by the crisis. But don’t overdo exercise. Moderation is the key.
- Give up your addictions. It is especially tempting during a crisis situation to smoke more, use more medications, or to drink more. Unfortunately, drugs such as alcohol, nicotine, and some tranquilizing medications can produce a sense of well-being and to some degree depress the body’s normal reaction to stress. However, the use of such drugs to produce these effects ultimately can be quite damaging to you physically and mentally. I am aware that the decision to give up smoking during a crisis situation is pro-ably not the best time, but it certainly is a time to smoke less and to avoid the use of alcohol and the excessive use of medications. This is not to say that tranquilizers or sleeping medication should not be used, but they generally should be used for only short periods of time. Most of us are capable of learning to control our sleep patterns and our level of tension without having to rely upon medications to do this for us.
- Take time off from work if at all possible. I know you are saying,“I just can’t take a vac-ation at this time,” but it may be important to take time off from work and actually get away from it all for a few days. Try to plan these in such a way that they are long enough and frequent enough to allow you to really relax and change your routine and pace. Dealing with a crisis is tough work. If you ever needed a vacation, you probably need one now.
- Avoid being your worst critic. Avoid being a perfectionist. Put your best effort into whatever you are doing, then relax and try not to worry about the results. Perfection im-plies unrealistic expectations and perfectionists are difficult to live with because of the excessive demands that they make on themselves and others. Striving for perfection also encourages procrastination. Most perfectionists have difficulty getting things done. If you don’t do anything , you obviously don’t make any mistakes. This is not the time to avoid situations. It is time to confront situations and deal with them. You need to be your best ally, not your worst critic. Stop keeping score! You are only human. Do the best you can and get on with your life.
- Learn how to relax. This, for most people, is a tall order. Here are some exercises for you to learn that can help you to gain control of your body so that when you tell yourself to relax, you will be able to relax.
Muscle Fatigue Exercises
This is a simple exercise that involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups throughout your body. The exercise involves tensing the muscle group, holding the tension for 10-15 seconds and then relaxing it very slowly. This exercise is repeated until the muscle group is relaxed. This is an exercise that requires practice before the signs of tension are relieved. If you are to develop an understanding of your body and its reaction to stress, you should spend at least 15-20 minutes twice a day going through the process of tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in your body. You will most likely want to begin at one end of your body, either your feet or your facial muscles. Tense them. Hold the tension for 10-15 seconds and then, very slowly, relax the muscle group. Again, this exercise requires practice and repetition. If you practice and develop proficiency in these exercises, you will eventually be able to relax most muscle groups in your body without having to do the relaxation exercise. This should be your goal. You may want to use some caution in tensing muscle groups that have previously been injured and you may wish to seek advice or consultation from a health-care professional about using this exercise with these muscle groups.
Breathing Exercise
There are a number of breathing exercises. They are often used in yoga and meditation. Almost all require that you sit with your eyes closed, if possible, and direct your attention to your breathing. You should breathe deeply and slowly. Try to follow your breath as it moves in and out of your lungs. By breathing deeply and slowly, you alter, to some degree your body chemistry by expelling large amounts of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide from your lungs and by increasing the level of oxygenation of the blood. This exercise may help you to feel more relaxed and may restore your level of energy. Again, breathe slowly and deeply. Continue the exercise until your pattern of breathing becomes regular and easy.
This is also an exercise that needs to be practiced daily and will require at least 5-10 minutes to be effective in helping you to reduce stress or tension. Throughout the day you can also do “mini’s,” take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and slowly release it (Benson, 1997).
Visualization Exercise
Visualization and directed imagery have been long used as a method of achieving relaxation. Individuals wishing to make use of this exercise may want to do the other relaxation techniques before attempting to visualize. Deep breathing exercises combine easily with visualization and imagery.
In order to practice this exercise and the other exercises above, you will want to find a quiet and relaxing place in which to sit or lie, and you will again want to allocate at least 15-20 minutes for practicing these exercises.
The first step involves closing your eyes and beginning to breathe deeply and slowly, either through your nose or mouth. After a number of deep breaths and a period of “darkness”, you should attempt to “see” a relaxing scene in your mind. You will want to see the scene as clearly and vividly as possible. Try to use the colors of the scene. If you are visualizing walking along the beach, you should try to see the blues and the greens of the water and the sky. Try to feel and hear the scene. Try to hear the birds singing as you walk slowly through the forest. If you are walking on the beach, try to feel the sun’s warmth on your face. Create a relaxing scene that works for you. This may run the gamut from taking a hot bath to floating among the clouds in a glider.