Readings in Resilience
The Next Fifty Years
A Hobbled Optimist’s Take On Resilience
By Tony Strodel
A few years ago I learned of the Maine Resilience Group whose members were dealing with issues that I was dealing with as well. I’d had an accident three years prior that had altered my life drastically. I’d broken my neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. The break was incomplete and the doctors involved, while fairly optimistic, could not predict how much recovery I could hope for. Being an optimist.myself, I’ve come a long way and will continue to try to improve. There’s no textbook written on what I might expect or how to deal with dead nerves. Some parts of my body have slowly improved through exercise while other parts remain non-functioning no matter how much I exercise.
There are eight key factors we’ve-learned that bring about resilience. The first is to connect with others. I’ve always been a private man who pre-accident, always managed to solve problems on my own, but this was not possible after my mishap. My brother, sisters and their families immediately stepped in, dealing with the myriad problems I could not handle such as insurance forms, special needs equipment, dissolving my apartment and storing furniture, seeking advice from medical experts, moving and adjusting from hospital rehab center to nursing home to assisted living center and finally to my own apartment. I’m lucky to have a few dedicated friends who have helped tremendously as well. I also have a network of doctors, therapists, adaptive services folks at the YMCA and a helpful staff at my apartment complex. All of these fine folks allow me to live a fairly normal life.
The second resilience factor is to practice flexibility. I think of this as the ability to bend and give, to alter ones actions and goals, to experiment with obstacle solutions. This factor takes forethought and planning which is yet another resilience factor and after planning a solution to a given obstacle, one follows through with action. I’ve had trouble in the past taking spills in my apartment, always catching my shoe and falling in the same spot. After much painful crawling across the floor to a chair in order to hoist myself up I’ve simply had a telephone placed on the floor so that I could call the front desk for help when I do fall.
Communicating with others is the next resilience factor I would like to talk about. Communicating to solve problems. The adage “No man is an island” is very true. I’m grateful to have such a diverse support network to help me find solutions and value their collective and individual input into my life.
And with all of this it is extremely important to manage strong feelings. Even the smallest task can become an insurmountable problem on occasion. For example, I’m no longer able to simply slip on a pair of shoes. It now requires placing each shoe specifically, angled in the right position, then adjusting my body to the shoe. Often I lose patience and get angry when I fail, but I’ve learned to temper anger with humor, to laugh at myself. I’ve found that the anger seems involuntary. I can’t deny it, but the laughter helps.
Building self-confidence through action is yet another resilience factor that I’ve tried to practice. I’m thankful and feel confident when I am able to prepare a meal. As a former chef, this is what I did to earn my living before the accident, this has been a pleasure denied me because of my limited hand use but with planning and the use of special implements, I’m now able to accomplish this. There have been many mistakes made, dishes broken, fingers cut, mistakes to clean off the floor but I’ve succeeded finally.
Finding purpose and meaning in life is an important part of resilience and I find purpose when I can help others solve their problems. My interactions with family and friends, my sharing their triumphs and accomplishments, consoling them during tough times gives me that sense of purpose.
The last factor of resilience that I try hard to practice is to keep a positive outlook. No matter what dire situation we find ourselves in, it could always be worse. Many times an obstacle in my life can dissolve if I can manage to find a positive aspect in the situation. Think of the half full glass as just that—half full, instead of thinking of the glass as half empty.